Emptiness

“Yes. And emptiness itself can birth the fullness of grace because

 in emptiness we have the opportunity to turn to God, the only begetter of grace, 

and there find the fullness of joy.” Ann Voskamp

When I read this quote today, I was reminded of something that took place on Memorial Day weekend...

That day, I headed out with my camera. A Sunday full of photo taking. Lancaster County’s covered bridges and my hope of finding a water wheel to capture.  

The morning was full of glorious sunshine. While I drove along I began conversation with the Lord. I had been working through a lot of things. At times I speak out loud to Him, that day I did.

After sometime of talking to Him, I turned off the radio and waited.  What came next had never happened before and I am not sure that I can fully explain it. Actually, I am not sure how long it took me to recognize what was going on but as I drove along there was an emptiness that began in me. 

Each time I would pass a house or a church, actually any building, this emptiness would increase. After sometime of this occurring, I asked the Lord to take it away.  I did not like it. It continued. So, I took matters into my own hands and turned on the radio-songs, especially country songs, usually can shift me to a different place. That day it didn’t work, so off the radio went and I continued to drive-asking God what He wanted to show me.  I didn’t stop my photo taking, and I had some good moments but deep down this emptiness continued for about 4 hours. A lot of thoughts came to mind about what this emptiness was about. At some point after lunch, the feeling dissipated. 
 

Once, since then, a deeper emptiness came, it was worse than the first time.  It lasted many days. However, this time I did not ask the Lord to take it away-I knew it was necessary.

 

The quote above captures it to an extent. There was an emptying in me in order for God to fully fill me rather than all the other things that I put there.  I fully recognized the emptying was necessary. 

I certainly have not arrived and I have to pay attention to things that come my way, but at this moment in time, even though there is still “stuff” that takes place around me, there is a fullness of joy. This joy is equally as hard to explain as the emptiness. I like the joy MUCH better :)

How do you relate to the quote?  What does it stir in you? If you have had a similar experience, how do you journey differently than you had before?