contemplating....grieving....life....

Rough Afternoon....

Although there are many others grieving to a greater extent than me, yesterday I spent most of the  afternoon and evening crying.

Many thoughts and questions went through my mind...these are random and deeply felt.  

As they came they ended up here...

Much is going through my mind about life. I see a picture of Tim and have deep sorrow and I weep for many reasons…. 

~I have lived 51 years. I have loved deeply, cared immensely, hoped for many things with great desire, yet lack the enormity of unconditional love that God gives…~

~There is a mystery when it comes to love. Love is hard to grasp and yet it can grasp me.  I hold it closely, yet I am afraid to hold on. Love hoped for brings joy, love lost is painful.~

~Love is certainly a mystery when it comes to God.  His love is never ending and full of grace and mercy… the human mind can not fully be conceived/received, yet it is desired from deep within the heart. How will I know it when I have love? Is it only in the moment when I truly have it and it is gone like the wind and then it's back again? Is that what living in the moment truly is? Is it filled with love? Loving fully without hindrance? Loving fully without judgment, loving fully without bringing up the past?~

^{~The most beautiful verse about love: 1 Corinthians 13~}

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails….

 that is the love I want to display and receive.

~It is safe to give love when there is no expectation of anything in return.~

~In family, unconditional love is "expected".  It is given and received because it is to be.~

~When a human life is taken unexpectedly… ripped away… it does not seem fair, love for that person is different-it can not be given in the way that it was.~

~I am challenged by the words "life isn't fair"-where did those words come from? I have found that in the "unfairness of life" there is much-how deeply will I engage in it?~

~Today, a new day, how will I live fully in it?