At the end of May, I shared the thrilling roller coaster ride of life-specifically the unexpected end of employment and the birth of my precious granddaughter.
Today is the last day of June! A lot of things have happened since that post. I am thoroughly enjoying being a Grammie and my granddaughter will be six weeks old tomorrow. Wow, time is flying!
I have struggled a lot concerning my employment situation. I am not sure that I can fully explain the struggle, but it was difficult. There were places that seemed like closed doors with no way of opening them. When I applied for a job, there wasn't much I could or couldn't do to "guarantee" anything. In this place there was no control. I am very grateful my friends and family were assuring me that I would be ok and they would help in any way they could. However, when the reality of not having a regular income sets in and one does not want to burden anyone, there is struggle-at least for me it is!
I was in constant conversation with the Lord. Continually I heard in my heart, "Trust Me" and although I told God I wanted to, it was very difficult. I recognized if I could have a radical dependence on him by surrendering, it would move my relationship with Him to a deeper level and I knew that would be peace. Thankfully after a period of time I was able get to the place of surrender. A place where I turned my employment and my finances over to God and began to trust that no matter what happened He would take care of me in whatever way that looked like. Once I let go, I was even able to be at rest.
During that time I was paying attention to the gifts that were in the midst. I was able to enjoy helping my son and daughter-in-law in ways that I wouldn't have been able to if I were working.... I thoroughly enjoyed the many hours I spent just holding my newborn granddaughter...and then there was the place where I realized if I resisted or refused to let my dear friends or family help me, I was not allowing them to love me as God was asking them to-humph, that was showing me my pride and rebellion-ugh-that was hard to see in myself, but it was true.
On this side of things, there is much to celebrate. On my birthday I was sent the official offer for a position at the American Heart Association. I am thrilled and thankful!! Not just for my new job, but the extra time I was able to spend with my son's family, and for the new dependence and deeper relationship I have with God on the other side of the struggle.
Continuing the ride with Him beside me:)
