Photo Challenge

A blend of black/white & color!

Recently I was invited to participate in a black & white photo challenge.  Well, it proved to be quite a challenge in more ways than one!  But I am glad :)

Over the summer I was "trying to learn" Photoshop and in the learning process I accidentally deleted quite a few of my photos....ugh.  Let me just say that I am and will always be a HUGE fan of Lightroom....anyway, back to the challenge.

As I started changing my photos from color to black and white, I began noticing a lot of things that I hadn't before... first, a number of things in my photography skills that I am not happy about. Other things it did was opened my eyes to shadows I hadn't paid attention to before, as well as details that you can only see in depth when they are in color, to name a few.

What came next in my thinking is somewhat of a jumbledness as I considered color vs black and white....

• I notice black and white images show me edges more than color. 
• With color photos there is so much to look at in the depth of color, as a photographer there seems to be more grace in the imperfections of the photograph.
• Black and white gives me a clearer indication of beginning and ending with shadows, in color there is more blend or flow opening a space to see uniqueness with each transition of color change.
• Color photos fill my being in a delightful way that black and white do not.
• As I looked at my photography in black and white it revealed I still have ALOT of skills to work on.  

As I consider all this, the way it speaks to me is that in my life I want to look at myself in black and white to see the edges, the shadows, the imperfections. As I look at others I want to look with grace and their uniqueness as one created in the image of God. Bottom line... I want to live life seeing myself and others in color, which includes black and white!

I think I needed to look at black and white to see what color is:)

Even if you are not a photographer, what would it be like to consider things in black and white vs color. And if you are a photographer, consider the challenge-then pay attention to what stirs in you as you look at the difference between your photos.

the light and the dark

  
God made the two great lights, the greater light to govern the day, and the lesser light to govern the night; He made the stars also. 

The verse above from Genesis came to me as I continue to read, "Learning to Walk in the Dark". There is much that is coming to mind as I think about light and dark, this one for example...dark is never dark to God, as Psalm 139 tells us.

Fear of the unknown, fear of the dark, fear of the absence of someone, fear of loosing love....fear for me was dark and scarey. 

My perspective is changing as God awakens things in me that I previously suppressed.

Over the last several years walking into the unknown has shed light on to things that either I didn't want to look at, or I had no idea was there....there were things that I didn't like, hummm, but  as I look back I wasn't afraid.

When I would wake in the middle of the night for months on end, I treasured what God and I would "converse" about as I lay in the dark....hummm, in those moments I didn't fear the dark.

I could go on about the things that I am thinking, but the question that is coming to mind to take into my life is, what if, when I find myself in a "dark" place, I could take a step back and ask, "show me your light Lord, that I know is here-what do you want me to see?"

What would change in your life if you considered this question in times of "darkness"?
 

A little detour...looking for treasures...

The last few weeks have had some interesting scenarios...as I continue to read 66 Love Letters, I am paying attention, however, a few other things have taken priority.  

After hearing a friend share some of Oprah's interview with Barbara Brown Taylor about her new book "Learning to Walk in the Dark" I was intrigued, so I took the time to watch it.

In the interview there were many things that I could resonate with, so I decided to download the book on my Kindle. There are many quotes that I say yes and Amen to....but what really captured my attention was the first chapter of her book that starts with this scripture from Isaiah 45:3
                                      
“I will give you the treasures of darkness
And hidden wealth of secret places,
So that you may know that it is I,
The Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name."
 
Recently in Early Morning Group we spent time with that scripture along with verses 4-7. It was beautiful to watch the Holy Spirit at work in each one of us as we paid attention to the things that were coming to mind. (I recognize that this scripture was spoken to a particular person, but for me, I asked God, how do You want to speak to me personally in these words...)

I began to think about what I would do in a dark room if I were looking for a treasure....I know I would go slow, I would pay attention to everything around me, I would "feel/touch" the things close to me, I would be careful, I would absolutely NOT run. As I pondered these things, I thought about life as it is and recognized there is darkness all around (for me, darkness many times is synonymous with evil/bad, including selfishness, pride, anger, judgement and so on). Then sitting a little more, this question came to me-so why wouldn't I go through life slowly, paying attention, "feel" or embrace the experience, be careful, and why would I run if there are treasures in the darkness that God wants to give?  Because I have feared what the darkness "held", previously I would do everything I could to avoid or get out of the darkness.

I sat some more thinking about my own times of darkness, especially over the past few years. Many things have taken place, one big thing is that I took a deep look at myself, discovering things with God that I really didn't like finding out. There were many times of dark places finding how unhealthy I had become. However, I know that I know, without that darkness I wouldn't be who I am today. The discoveries-the treasures I found in the darkness-strength, courage, speaking the truth in love-removing the dysfunctions that had developed and more-are things that are true treasures.

In all these discoveries in darkness, I can never say I felt abandoned by God-even when I was questioning Him, angry that I was in the place that I was, even when I questioned if I loved God-yup, it was a dark place for me-a necessary dark place.

It's like diving deep into the sea, looking for a lost treasure chest,  knowing you will have to "unchain it", struggling to stay underwater but realizing once you are determined to hold fast, you know what is inside is well worth it.

What would it be like to look at darkness as searching for a treasure? How would that change your perspective of darkness?

1 & 2 Samuel...more Love Letters

Two Love Letters that reveal Jesus and glimpses of a world without evil....

     "David grieved--he didn't celebrate the death of Saul, the man who tried to kill him-that is a new way to live."

      "David waited patiently for seven years as king over one tribe, knowing God had appointed him king over all twelve. He waited for God's time....not with manipulation, marketing, or better public relations management-that is a new way to live."

      "David invited his enemy's descendant to regularly eat at his table-that is a new way to live."

      "When Absalom was killed in battle, after deposing his father David from his throne, David cried, 'If only I had died instead of you'. Paul spoke similarly about his own people who rejected him: 'I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers'. Both men were willing to sacrifice their well being for others. Love had found a deeper place in their hearts than legitimate concern for themselves-that's really a new way to live."

Wow, that is a glimpse of a world without evil! After reading this, I certainly see Jesus in these men because of their responses to evil.  

Four questions that I want to reflect on:

How will I respond to an enemy, when it "seems legitimate" to celebrate? 

How will I wait, when it "seems like something is taking forever"?

Who will I have compassion for, when it "seems odd that I would care for someone that has no ties to me"?

What will love look like because I have allowed concern for others to be greater than my own?

Dedication~Determination....Love Letter Eight

The book of Ruth is quite an interesting story. Prior to this week if  I needed to give it a one word summary, it would be dedication. 

“¹⁶ But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”

As I looked at it more the last several days, a shift  has taken place, now that one word would be determination. 

“¹⁸ When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her.”

I would say the book of Ruth is one of the easier books to read in the Old Testament (yes, there is a love story and a happy ending and that can make for a happy heart!!)  This week a new awareness in this book came for me.  Focusing on the determination of Ruth, I wondered where that determination came from?  As I read the first 15 verses, I had a clearer picture of where that determination might have come from. That possibly being the grief and hardship that came from the deaths of her father-in-law, husband and brother-in-law.  Once worked through (not that it is easy) grief and hardship can make a space for growth. I have said this many times-I do not like struggle or pain, but what comes from it can be huge and healthy.

I pondered what I have gained through grief and hardship, and I could relate to Ruth. A God inspired determination can form from struggling through some really tough stuff and good can come out of tragedy. I would say that determination for what is good and right would be one of those things.

When you think of the word determination, is there a place in your life that determination came from struggle? Maybe something else that built your character came from struggle.  What is your conversation like with God as you talk about what comes from struggle?

Joshua through Esther

This is the description of the next 12 love letters...
   
     "...the plot more than thickens. It gets heavy, confusing, encouraging, and depressing from one letter to the next. But a theme emerges: we're in trouble and God wants to rescue us. But we can't be rescued until we know we need rescuing and until we know what's so wrong with us that needs rescuing."

Have you ever been in a place of trouble and suffering, not wanting to be there, didn't understand why you were there until much later when you could look back?  I have had many moments where I didn't want to be in a place of suffering-as a matter of fact for most of my life in one way or another I did what ever I could to escape suffering.  I didn't realize until recently how necessary suffering is/was and the many things that come/came from it.

I am not saying that I embrace suffering when it happens, but if I am paying attention, in many cases,  I would not have grown/changed in places that are necessary for living  more of the life that I believe God intends.

I am so very thankful that the Lord will rescue in the midst of trouble. He loves us dearly and desires to rescue.

The song that comes to mind as I think about being rescued is Only a God Like You. If we choose, because He is our Father and Maker, He can be our Redeemer, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder.

When you think of suffering, what stirs in you? What is your prayer like with God as you talk to Him about suffering?

more from Deuteronomy

"Love has no meaning unless it remains alive when the one you claim to love seems distant and unresponsive. If you love Me only when I immediately satisfy your desires, your love is merely one more form of self-centeredness. Your love becomes trust only when you choose to believe that I brought you out of something bad to bring you into something good before you experience that something good. Then your love is sustained by confidence in my character, not by enjoyment of current blessings."

For me, these few sentences can be summed up.... 'nough said.

Deuteronomy...Love Letter Five

As I continue to read and think about the books of the Old Testament, considering them Love Letters is somewhat  hard for me to wrap my brain around. However, a shift is taking place as I continue to read what is written by Dr. Crabb with a perspective from God...

"I brought you out to bring you in. You were locked in the prison of self-centeredness, just as Israel was in painful bondage to Egypt, where all they could think about was themselves--how can we get a better life, not how can we love God. I brought you out of prison to bring you into the freedom of love."

There is a lot to ponder in these words. 

"I brought you out to bring you in." When I think on these words, I recognize places in my life of the pain of what it is like to be on the "out".  Thinking about this, I can see that "outs" that take place, open a huge place for God to bring me in to Himself.....hard to say in the moment, but I am thankful.

I had not thought of self-centeredness as a prison, but reading these words open the space for me to realize just that. The words "the ties that bind" have gone through my mind in recent months.  Reading, "You were locked in the prison of self-centeredness," take me to those words again. I must agree, self-centeredness is a prison-a tie that binds.  I desire to live in the freedom of love, not in the prison of self-centeredness.
This song comes to mind considering all of this: Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin.

"...where all they could think about was themselves--how can we get a better life, not how can we love God." Wow, what if I could think less about myself/a better life and replaced it with how can I love God? I believe wholeheartedly that God created us to enjoy life.  I also know that a life that is enjoyable begins when I love God more than anything. This is a prayer of my heart.

Where have you been "out" and now looking back there was a space created to be brought in to the love of God?

What resonates in you when you think about self-centeredness as a prison?  What other prisons do you recognize yourself in?

What invitation do you sense from God in order to be in a place of freedom?

a few more from this morning's sunrise...

this morning for about 3 minutes, the sky looked like this....

I almost missed it....stunning Sunday morning sky!!!

Sunday Morning Walk...

Exodus and Leviticus

As I read more of the 66 Love Letters, I am intrigued by a few things I read concerning Exodus and Leviticus.

For me, relationship and story have always been important, so when I read the following quote, it resonated with me...

"...until you hear My message wrapped up in the stories of real people, 

you won't trust that My power could enter your story."

After reading this, I began to have a different view of Exodus and asked myself this question: "Would it make a difference if I read Exodus thinking about the stories of real people and the grace God gave them in order to move to a deeper place of trust in Him?" I must admit, I don't think there has been a time that I have looked at Exodus with a lens any different than, "sheeze this is long and I really can't get much out of it :(. "  I think with the previous question in mind when reading Exodus, things very well may change as I read.

Then in Leviticus...

"You must not try to fit me into your plans. Your plans are too small. "

As I read this, I was reminded of a very specific time during Advent last year when God clearly spoke to my heart.  It was not audible, but it was clearly His Spirit speaking to me.  As I was spending a significant amount of time thinking about what it would have been like for Mary when the angel came to visit her to tell her that she was going to be the mother of the Savior of the world, I began thinking about the many things that would have been going on in her mind. Yet, at the same time I knew after a few clarifying questions to the angel, she was completely trusting God even though she did not know what the future would hold.  As I considered Mary's unknown future and thinking of my own life with the things that were taking place, I heard in my spirit, "Celesa, do not envision a future." Those words were not without hope-but I knew that I had always envisioned a future for various reasons and because I did, it did not allow what God had in mind for me. That was my way, not His. Interestingly, nine months later, (not that I am perfect at it) but I have moved to a place where I do not envision a specific future.   I can certainly tell you that there is a tremendous amount of freedom in that and in the midst I have a deeper trust in God. (Know that this place did not come easily, nor with out a great amount of struggle and at times I thought that the struggle and the pain that came with it might not ever end.) Being in this place clears the way for God's plans to unfold.  I know that His plans are way better than mine.

Does anything speak to you in these two quotes?  What is your conversation with God like in the midst?  Is there space for you to trust Him differently than you have in the past-what would it take to be able to do that?

Love Letter One...Genesis

When someone writes from God's perspective, it opens up a lot in me~especially conversation with Him.  Sometimes I smile because I have wondered the same thing or even had a very similar thought. 

As I read how Dr. Crabb has written this book, I have had a lot of smiles and I am only at the beginning! Here are two quotes from Love Letter One...

"But I had a plan, I always do. I chose Abraham, just one ordinary, God-dishonoring man, to begin a whole new civilization...of course Abraham failed, like everyone, like you. That's why I told you not to fear failure. If you do, you'll live for success you can never achieve."

"And then it comes to Jacob. He was self-centered, manipulative, insecure mess from day one. Oh, he was resourceful, clever, and full of ambition, the kind of man who would have made it big in your world. But those talents were not what it takes to make it big in My story. So I went to work on him. I revealed myself seven times to Jacob to let him know he needed Me if his life was amount to anything. He's a good picture of how I change people, slowly, through problems in their lives and failures on their part and an infinite amount of patience and grace on My part."

"Read the story of Jacob and take heart: I can transform anyone into the likeness of My Son. But the process is never easy or short. It took nearly 150 years filled with terrible family problems to change Jacob into Israel, into a man who learned to trust me in the struggles of life."

When I read about these two examples, these thoughts come to mind...

• Yes, growth and transformation come through painful circumstances...

• I do not need to fear failure...

• I have hope about how long it might take this ordinary person to be transformed...and it's ok if it's a lifetime...

• It reminds me of God's great patience, His grace, His mercy, His tremendous love....

• He has a plan and a story~I want to live into it...

At the end of this first chapter, Dr. Crabb asks a lot of questions (to God) that are still very unclear to him about Genesis.  He ends with saying, "You told me to be honest. God I am not really all that warmed by Your first love letter...I think I need to read more. Thanks for listening." 

And then he writes a response from God that I would agree totally with, "I always listen. And I'll never turn away from you. Yes, keep reading."

...walking into today with a grateful heart for soooo much~what about you???

66 Love Letters

I am not sure exactly when I purchased this book, at least 2 years ago, probably more than that. Being a woman, the title certainly captured my attention. 

Over the past year, I have either seen this book on my book shelf when I dusted it or it has come to mind. Since it has come to mind quite often lately, I thought I should pay attention-today I decided it is time to begin reading it!  The prologue is already speaking to my heart.

Dr. Crabb speaks of the time when he and his wife (girlfriend at the time) would write love letters to each other while they were dating and how he learned to know her heart by reading her words. As he goes on, he relates this as well in knowing God's heart by reading His love letter to us-The Bible.

"I visualized each chapter as a love letter from God to me, His fickle friend, His cheating spouse, His spoiled child. He still wants me. He paid a huge price to get me. He has already found me. And now He is telling me the whole story of how I messed up our relationship and how He is putting it back together. And he's letting me know how it's all going to turn out. Every word in the Bible I could now see as a word of life."

I am anticipating how I might begin to know God's heart in a way that I haven't before.

perhaps...

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a spider web in the corner of a water fountain at Kavanna House. 

My thoughts went to the amazingness of a spider's web and yet how delicate.  It can withstand a mighty wind, and forceful downpour, yet with the swipe of a broom it is gone in an instant. And that is only the beginning of the intricacies of a spider and it's web...

...for some reason this morning when I saw this picture I thought of Charlotte's Web.  As I was reading some quotes from this great children's movie, this one stood out to me....

“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

Pondering this today: 

By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle...

choice

Yesterday's post and the many that I have posted recently have been inspired by the book, "one thousand gifts."

The question I asked myself yesterday, "Where do I see Beauty?" prompted my posts on Facebook. 

For me, paying attention is the beginning of awareness. Awareness opens the door for change.

Today I began the chapter, "seeing through the glass."

"Really....do I really smother my own joy because I believe anger achieves more than love? That Satan's way is more powerful, more practical, more fulfilling in my life than Jesus way? Why else get angry? Isn't it because I think complaining, exasperation, resentment  will pound me up into the full life I really want? When I choose--and it is a choice--to crush joy with bitterness, am I not purposefully choosing to take the way of the Prince of Darkness?"

Certainly anger has it's place. It's how I let it grab hold of me, allow it to guide me instead of working through it in a healthy way...then moving to the place knowing that love achieves way more than the lasting effects of anger.

?? the lasting effects of love...or...destroying effects of anger ??

 

evening beauty...

more beauty...

"What more, you may ask, do we want? 

Ah, but we want so much more--something the books on aesthetics take little notice of. But the poets and the mythologies know all about it. We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. 

We want something else which can hardly be put into words--

to be united with the beauty we see, 

to pass into it, 

to receive it into ourselves, 

to bathe in it, 

to become part of it." 

C.S. Lewis

Yes.

Is the longing for the Beauty the happiest place of all? Anne Voskamp

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A question to carry today...

Where do I see Beauty?

beauty...

seeking Beauty 

with my camera

thru the lens

I am..

living in the present moment

right brained

I ask

"What do You want me to see?"

walking...listening...slowing...

with the lens

I look for Beauty

Beauty from my Creator God

penetrating my eye, moving instantaneously to my brain

then like a gentle wave washing over me

I have

contentment~joy~peace~awe...

through a blazing sunset or a glowing moon rise

~

from a leaf layered path or a trickling brook

~

in a sleek stallion or a mischievous squirrel

~

in the mystery of the ocean or the tranquility of the seashore~

~

and there is more, so much more.

Beauty...

 seeking beauty with the lens

escaping reality?

or 

absorbing the presence of God?

Either way, it fills me with a peace that passes understanding... 

Grab my camera fun....and some I forgot were there:-0!

Emptiness

“Yes. And emptiness itself can birth the fullness of grace because

 in emptiness we have the opportunity to turn to God, the only begetter of grace, 

and there find the fullness of joy.” Ann Voskamp

When I read this quote today, I was reminded of something that took place on Memorial Day weekend...

That day, I headed out with my camera. A Sunday full of photo taking. Lancaster County’s covered bridges and my hope of finding a water wheel to capture.  

The morning was full of glorious sunshine. While I drove along I began conversation with the Lord. I had been working through a lot of things. At times I speak out loud to Him, that day I did.

After sometime of talking to Him, I turned off the radio and waited.  What came next had never happened before and I am not sure that I can fully explain it. Actually, I am not sure how long it took me to recognize what was going on but as I drove along there was an emptiness that began in me. 

Each time I would pass a house or a church, actually any building, this emptiness would increase. After sometime of this occurring, I asked the Lord to take it away.  I did not like it. It continued. So, I took matters into my own hands and turned on the radio-songs, especially country songs, usually can shift me to a different place. That day it didn’t work, so off the radio went and I continued to drive-asking God what He wanted to show me.  I didn’t stop my photo taking, and I had some good moments but deep down this emptiness continued for about 4 hours. A lot of thoughts came to mind about what this emptiness was about. At some point after lunch, the feeling dissipated. 
 

Once, since then, a deeper emptiness came, it was worse than the first time.  It lasted many days. However, this time I did not ask the Lord to take it away-I knew it was necessary.

 

The quote above captures it to an extent. There was an emptying in me in order for God to fully fill me rather than all the other things that I put there.  I fully recognized the emptying was necessary. 

I certainly have not arrived and I have to pay attention to things that come my way, but at this moment in time, even though there is still “stuff” that takes place around me, there is a fullness of joy. This joy is equally as hard to explain as the emptiness. I like the joy MUCH better :)

How do you relate to the quote?  What does it stir in you? If you have had a similar experience, how do you journey differently than you had before?

Perspective

"All God makes is good. 

Can it be that, 

that which seems to oppose the will of God 

actually is used of Him to accomplish the will of God?"

I read this quote yesterday morning, and throughout the day it kept coming back to me. I have often thought about the will of God and if I am living it, doing it, ignoring it, rejecting it....and the list could go on...

However, these words give me a different perspective, especially when it comes to things I am having difficulty in understanding the "why" of something.

"That which is seems evil only seems so because of perspective, the way the eyes see shadows."

I am certainly not saying that sin or evil is good, but seeing something from a different perspective is certainly worth concidering.

"Perspective--how we see."

The weekend is almost here...throughout it, what would it be like to take a step back and consider a different perspective on something specific that is going on in your life?  A question for God might be, "How do you want me to see this situation differently?" Then pay attention to what happens next...

contemplating....grieving....life....

Rough Afternoon....

Although there are many others grieving to a greater extent than me, yesterday I spent most of the  afternoon and evening crying.

Many thoughts and questions went through my mind...these are random and deeply felt.  

As they came they ended up here...

Much is going through my mind about life. I see a picture of Tim and have deep sorrow and I weep for many reasons…. 

~I have lived 51 years. I have loved deeply, cared immensely, hoped for many things with great desire, yet lack the enormity of unconditional love that God gives…~

~There is a mystery when it comes to love. Love is hard to grasp and yet it can grasp me.  I hold it closely, yet I am afraid to hold on. Love hoped for brings joy, love lost is painful.~

~Love is certainly a mystery when it comes to God.  His love is never ending and full of grace and mercy… the human mind can not fully be conceived/received, yet it is desired from deep within the heart. How will I know it when I have love? Is it only in the moment when I truly have it and it is gone like the wind and then it's back again? Is that what living in the moment truly is? Is it filled with love? Loving fully without hindrance? Loving fully without judgment, loving fully without bringing up the past?~

^{~The most beautiful verse about love: 1 Corinthians 13~}

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails….

 that is the love I want to display and receive.

~It is safe to give love when there is no expectation of anything in return.~

~In family, unconditional love is "expected".  It is given and received because it is to be.~

~When a human life is taken unexpectedly… ripped away… it does not seem fair, love for that person is different-it can not be given in the way that it was.~

~I am challenged by the words "life isn't fair"-where did those words come from? I have found that in the "unfairness of life" there is much-how deeply will I engage in it?~

~Today, a new day, how will I live fully in it?