Living in the Present Moment

 "Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering the thing in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I've ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, tens of thousands, lie in the wake of all the rushing....through all that haste I thought I was making up time. It turns out I was throwing it away."  Mark Buchanan, The Rest of God: Restoring your Soul by Restoring Your Sabbath

About nine months ago I specifically heard the Lord speak to my heart saying, "Do not envision a future." Those words did not come with hopelessness at all.  For me, He was speaking to my heart about how I used to cope with difficulties in life-that being-always moving out of what ever was difficult or painful in order to "be happy". Yes, that does have benefits and sometimes it is needed because life can just be so very hard. But oh, the things that I was missing even in the painful things such as sadness, or grief, or even anger. I now know that these things are necessary and are part of a healthy life when journeyed through in a healthy way.

Years ago I heard the words: How much time do you spend worrying about the past or the future and what would it be like to stay in the present?  Although I desired to live like that, because I had been that way for most of my life, I couldn't seem to stay in the present.

The last couple of months there has been a shift in me.  For various reasons, I find that I am living more in the present moment than ever.  It is wonderful!!!  Again I will say, it is wonderful!!! The Youtube link that is below has my mind wondering about a lot of things that I have been looking at over the past couple of years, especially living in the present moment.

I hope that you will take 10 minutes to watch this Ted Talk*. Once you have watched it, how will you live differently today in the present moment?

*When Jill Bolte Taylor speaks of energy, nirvana and the spirit, for me, know it is the Lord:)

Grow Where You Are Planted

Over the last several weeks there has been a lot of activity in my life. Quite a few surprises~some delightful and some so very sad.  In the midst of it all, I have seen what I describe as "God's intertwining." Not in just one instance but in many. Yes, even my waking at 2 am several mornings :-0!

Certainly many things over the past couple of years leading up to what I am going to share play a part in the shaping of my life. Significantly though, while on vacation in my quiet times, God revealed quite a few things to me: an invitation, a hard truth, a new awareness~all resulting in trust, peace, strength & confidence in a new way.

On July 22nd I received a devotional titled: Grow Where You are Planted. I was intrigued by these words and where I might be "planted".  It actually was confirmation to the invitation I sensed but I didn't know what would take place or what it would look like or even when. I stayed in the present focusing on what needed attention at the moment and trusted.

As the weeks unfolded more surprises affirming the invitation came. One of them being a job proposal that I totally see as His intertwining. (I would probably lose you if I told you all the ways I see His intertwining-sometimes I lose myself!!) At 8 am on Tuesday morning August 12th I accepted the position. Shortly after 11 am I received the phone call about Tim's passing.  I literally went from mountain top high to valley low within a few hours. As you know by my posts the impact it has had.

Two weeks have passed since that day. As I live in each one, I am intentional to think on things I am thankful for in the midst of grief. Among them, my family, my friends, a new job, and Kavanna House that has been both a gift and a blessing! I will miss the daily interactions with three lovely ladies and the gift they are to me!  I trust that God will take care of who will take my place. The good news is I will still be involved:) 

At this time in life, this new job is a right fit for me. It feels like this position was hand crafted to fit my skills and abilities as an Administrative Assistant. Certainly a learning curve but with a few days under my belt, I am happy to say it is going well:)

As I focus "with the lens"...I see clearly that I have been planted. I am paying attention as well as responding, hopefully the result will be growth as I continue to trust in our loving, awesome, and surprising God!!!

Praise

Thank you, Lord,

for friends who stake their claim in my heart, 

for enemies who disturb my soul and bump my ego,

for tuba players,

and story tellers, 

and trapeze troupes.

Thank you, Lord,

for singers of songs,

for teachers of songs,

who help me sing along the way,

...and for listeners.

Thank you, Lord,

for those who attempt beauty

rather than curse ugliness

for those who take stands

rather than take polls,

for those who risk being right

rather than pandering to be likes,

for those who do something 

rather than talking about everything.

Ted Loder

Peacemakers...

"Jesus leaves no doubt that war as a way of life, whether between family members, factions within a congregation, denominations, worldview representatives, nations, or humans and the earth leads to mindless dis-integration of the environment, individuals, families and communities. An active commitment to identifying who our enemies are and deliberately seeking to make peace with them using the prayerful principles of interpersonal neurobiology is a way by which God enables us to live out the beatitude: 
 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God" (Matthew 5:9)."

For me, this quote from Anatomy of the Soul, speaks volumes!

The Arts

“Just as our world benefits from the proper place and integration of science, so also it hungers and thirsts for beauty. And so much of beauty is created and discovered in the aesthetic. Nowhere does the power and grace of interpersonal neurobiology speak more eloquently than in and through the arts. For it is in drama, painting, music, sculpture, poetry, and dance (just to name a few) that activate the resonance circuits of the right hemisphere and weave a deeply felt sense of meaning into the more logical tapestry of the left brain. As such, the arts have the potential to facilitate the integration of our minds. Perhaps they do so because they reflect our Creator’s beauty, not unlike so many wonders we observe in the natural universe.

            Few of us spend enough time paying attention to beauty. When we do-and resist the temptation to exploit it-it will transform us as no left-mode-only experience can. In fact, employing genuinely meaningful aesthetics in our lives will advance the possibility for integration in our minds.” Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson

For me, this is a wow quote!!!

Awake

 

 This photo of Tim was taken earlier this year, yes the garter was on the football!!!

Finding myself awake at 2:00 am and what do I do but look at Facebook!  I am glad I did. I was able to read more about my nephew Tim....not only that but thinking as well about the service on Saturday celebrating his life. As I mentioned in a previous post, I learned football by watching both Tim (and Rob) play.  As a young adult, I would sit with my sister and she would say, "Now watch Tim (#12) he going to pass the football and try to do this....." and on it went till I got the gist. 

Then as my son Jake played, Tim was so excited to see his cousin play football. He was one of his greatest mentors and to say the least, one of his greatest supporters!  Since Tim was a high school football coach himself, he was disappointed that he couldn't make a lot of Jake's games but I remember him calling me Jake's senior year and saying, "Sis, I can make all of Jake's home games but one." He was pumped! 

Throughout the years I would hear stories about the teams he coached. Needless to say he was passionate about the guys and the game. Now I do not have half the passion of football that Tim did, though I thoroughly enjoy watching the game-especially the Ravens!  Saturday at the service, many of the Panthers 2007 team lined up as one of the young men, Chris recalled the years Tim was their coach. To hear the impact he made on these young men was another reminder of the man he was.  (Tim was famous for writing in all caps, and apparently many people said something to him, he knew what it meant, but for the most part he didn't care:-0! But I smile because that shows his passion!)  This, among many other things is an email Chris shared with us from Tim to his 2007 team ...

"IF YOU ONLY KNEW HOW PROUD I AM OF EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. IF YOU COULD ONLY FEEL IT FOR A MINUTE, YOU'D BE FLOORED. YOU ALL DO NOT REALIZE HOW PROUD I WAS AT THE END OF EACH PRACTICE, IN THE HALLWAYS, AT THAT LONG REACH SCRIMMAGE, AT THE END OF THAT JOPPATOWNE GAME, THAT LINGANORE GAME (NOW THAT WAS MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!), THAT BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY AFTERNOON VS.TJ,THAT DESTRUCTION OF WESTMINSTER, THAT HOMECOMING (PUT THAT IN YOUR ARTICLE) GAME, THAT TUSCARORA THRILLER, AND ESPECIALLY LEADING YOU OFF OF THE FIELD AT PERRY HALL. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REALIZED IT, BUT I MADE DAMN SURE I WAS THE ONE LEADING YOU TO THE LOCKERROOM ONE LAST TIME. YOU ALL NEVER POINTED FINGERS (TEAM), NEVER MADE EXCUSES (PRIDE). YOU PUSHED EACH OTHER TO WORK HARD (COMMITMENT) AND YOU HELD ONE ANOTHER ACCOUNTABLE(LOVE). THAT IS SEVERELY UNCOMMON FOR THE AVERAGE TEENAGER, BUT GUESS WHAT? YOU WERE ANYTHING BUT AVERAGE, YOU FINISHED IN FIRST PLACE. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FIRST IN MY HEART BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU."

Tim had an infectious enthusiasm, an exuberant heart, and a genuine love for people. He displayed passion and compassion. Tim had lot of good words about many things and he lived out his faith. Thank you Lord for the gift of Tim.
 

"Tim, gone from our presence but not from our hearts...."

with the lens of grief

Yesterday about half way through the drive to Maryland to celebrate the life of my nephew, I turned off the radio. As I began to have conversation with the Lord about the hard day that was ahead, the verse, "Jesus wept" came to me.  I have thought about that verse over the years and there are many things I have been informed about...it is the shortest verse in scripture, there was heart felt emotion Jesus had in grief along side his good friends Martha and Mary, and more.  Before looking at the scripture today, I had a thought about Jesus being in the present moment with the people that were grieving.  

I reread the account this morning. Now there is a new view for me of the possible "solutions" to that highly emotional life circumstance that we are able to read and reread. 

I had not picked up on something that has me thinking even more...."When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him,and he was deeply troubled.
They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?”
Jesus was still angry as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance."

On each side of the shortest verse is an emotion that I have done my best to avoid most of my life: anger.

Hummm and wow.  

Through life experiences the past few years, I recognize that there is healthy anger that is part of grief.  Although I have ideas, I do not know exactly what the anger was connected to that Jesus had in this circumstance. What I know is that Jesus, who I am continually being transformed into and who never sinned, displayed his emotions which included anger.I also know that Jesus didn't hold on to the anger but he allowed it, felt it, displayed it.

As I think about how Jesus lived in the present moment with those emotions, it opens a door of questions for me as: When I am angry will I allow it, feel it and display it, and not hold on to it?

With this, I am living in the present allowing the stages of grief to take place....

with the lens of remembering

As I read the many things that are written about my nephew Tim on Facebook and how he lived his life, there are a plethora of people who shared enjoyable memories with him.

Being six years old when Tim was born and then Rob came a few years later, they were my real life baby dolls :') As they were growing up, Tim and Rob were more like brothers to me than nephews. I was "Sis" and to this day that is still my name to them.  (I think if they called me Celesa I would wonder what was wrong:-0! )

 

Besides holding them when they were infants, yesterday I was reminiscing about some things that we did when we were young, that is, when I was bigger than they were! One of the things that we played was "school". I was the teacher and of course they were the students.  My sister reminded me several years ago I was a strict teacher.  She could hear me commanding them to do their work (that was a short lived period in my life-lol).

I have fun memories of those times in the "classroom", playing wiffle ball in the front yard on holidays, me riding my bike and them riding big wheels and more. I also learned about football watching both of them play in their high school years!

Although I know that I had very little to do with their career choices, I am so proud that both of my nephews became teachers, making a huge impact on many-I am sure without much commanding ;-). Their family, friends and the many students they have touched will have precious memories to carry with them.

There will be many stories that will be shared as we celebrate Tim's life.  Although grieving that he will not be with us physically, what a joy to be able to share in how his life impacted others for the good.

Thankful for the sweet memories and the gift of being Sis :')

Chincoteague Photo Book

Chincoteague & Assateague 2014

Click above to view 

Hershey Gardens

Spent this afternoon at Hershey Gardens.  

Felt like a kid in the butterfly house!  Over 400 beautiful butterflies!!

Wings of hearts...

They landed everywhere!

Then the rose garden...oh my, standing in the right place I had

ever continual rose fragrance!!!

Reflection of ...yours truely;-)

Straight at us...

Thinking about my time at the beach today....already looking forward to the next time I am there.  

Visiting my parents this evening and showing them a few pictures and forgot about this one...yup they were coming straight at us!

Projection and Reflection

This morning's cool air was refreshing as I finished breakfast and my third cup of coffee:) 
As I relaxed in my chair to take in a podcast considering Hebrews 3:13, I began to adjust my laptop screen to lessen the reflection. As I paid attention to what was on the screen I "took a step back" as the reflection I saw captured my attention. I became intrigued with everything that my screen was not only projecting but reflecting as well.

Almost like a puzzle, a mosiac or even "Where's Waldo", there is much in this picture.

Many thoughts and even questions go through my mind as I think through how this image will help me to focus differently as well have a positive impact on how I live.

• What is the most important thing in my view that I need to pay attention to?
• Is there so much reflection that I don't see what I am supposed to see?
• What is necessary for me to absorb? 
• What do I discard that is not needed?
• There is subtlety and distinctness to different reflections, how does that resonate with me concerning what my life reflects?
• Like a parable, what will I walk away with? 

For me, the first significant question that comes to mind as I begin to unravel this image is: How do I reflect and live out what Hebrews 3:13 invites me to?

Heron Surprise

Looking through my photos and got a big surprise!  At the distance I took this shot I thought I was just capturing an Egret. Little did I know, until I cropped the picture significantly, that there was a heron too!! :)

Flower Fun...

Today...

Willow, my furry feline friend for the week, got my attention when she was peering through the kitchen window fussing at the birds at the feeder. 

Glad I paid attention:)

On my walk this morning I saw this beautifully crafted bee hive. The picture could be better but I wasn't willing to get closer with the possibility of getting stung...

numerous times I would imagine!!